James Greig examines the “concept creep” of the language we collectively
use to talk about behaviour in the dating game. “Trauma”, once limited
to life-altering events, now essentially means “anything that hurts me”.
“Love-bombing”, a manipulative behaviour that involves showering someone
with a disorientating amount of affection at the start of
a relationship, is now used to describe behaviour that previously might
have been called “a bit keen”. Everyone, it seems, is either
a narcissist or going on dates with one.
As well as watering down useful concepts to the point that they no
longer hold meaning, this language reinforces problematic relationship
dynamics:
”Using this kind of language can also lead to ‘moral typecasting’: the
idea that the world is split between moral agents (people who do
either good or bad) and moral patients (people who have good or bad
things done to them). What’s interesting is that studies show that we
think of people as either one thing or the other, and very rarely
a combination of the two…
“But if you think of yourself as a moral patient and anyone who hurts
you as a moral agent, it means that anything you do to them becomes
fair game, because you are constitutionally incapable of inflicting
harm, and they are constitutionally incapable of experiencing it.”
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